Jonathan Hooker

 

We all have aspects of our lives that we would like to change. It may be a relationship, perhaps a career, or even a change in the way we feel when we wake up every morning.

If something in our lives is causing us to be sad, angry or just plain uncomfortable then we need to change it. The problem is, most of us don’t bother to do anything about it. We just plod along, leaving things as they are - hoping that one day they will magically just get better.

A wise man (Albert Einstein) once defined insanity as “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”. He had a point. Sometimes we all need a bit of encouragement when it comes to making changes... and thankfully Porktie knows just the man for the job.

Step forward Jonathan Hooker – a Barcelona based ´life coach´ who knows exactly what it takes to start making positive strides to a happier life. Jonathan has given help and support to hundreds of people across Barcelona – many of whom seek guidance on a few very common issues. In a bid to inspire us all to make some positive changes, Porktie asked Jonathan to talk us through 4 of the most common areas of concern, in his own words. First up, its ´being lost´.

 

• Being lost

Many people who come through my door are not even sure why they have come, but they just sense something is not quite right. Many feel they have lost their direction, and often have a job which is nothing to do with what they care about. A lot of us find our way into jobs based on what subjects we were good at in school, or perhaps by following in a family tradition. The problem is - this is not who we are. In life, decisions must not be made logically or objectively but emotionally - in other words from the heart & not the head. We often call these ´feelings´ because they are associated with physical sensations and they come from our bodies and not our heads. We cannot decide our futures by drawing up a list of pros and cons. We have to rediscover our feelings, and with that revive our passion and energy for life. Then we can grab our life with both hands and begin to steer it in the direction we want to go in. We have to be prepared to give up the lives we planned for ourselves and embrace the one that is waiting.

 

• Self Esteem

Most of us would like to feel better about ourselves, so how do we do that? Well we should start be looking at the way in which we set incredibly difficult targets for ourselves but not for other people. We carefully use perfection to judge ourselves, but given that perfection does not exist in this world - it is a very poor performance standard! Basically we need to get real. If we set impossible targets, it is just a good reason to beat ourselves up when we fail. Start finding the good in what you do and focus on that instead. Get to the end of the day and look at what has been achieved not what has been left to do tomorrow. Remember just because you have a 'to-do' list with 12 items on it, does not mean it is possible to do all 12 in one day. Break your tasks down into smaller bits and then your time estimates will be more accurate and realistic. Another big influence on how we feel about ourselves is how we are spoken to, and how well we are listened to. Try this with your family and friends - speak to them with respect, and you will feel much better about yourself

 

• Anxiety

Feeling anxious ahead of a presentation, or before meeting a new group of people? This is extremely common, and is basically caused by worrying about what others think of us. A starting point to overcoming anxiety is by realising that the only person you need to impress is you! Often when we are growing up we find ourselves restricted by rules and judged by standards, and we begin to develop low self-esteem due to the criticism we receive. So we develop this feeling that we do not quite measure up. No wonder we feel anxious! We are basing how we feel on the judgements of others, when it is how we feel that really matters. So what we need to do is develop a better sense of who we are, and then we will focus more on that and less on what others think. In this way, we begin to feel more confident, because the opinions of others concern us less. This is a much healthier balance.

 

• Anger

There is just not enough anger in the world today! Why? Because perhaps more than any other emotion, anger is the one that defines who we are. It is the one emotion that we use to decide what we will and wont do, what we´ll allow our friends to ‘get away with’ and where we draw the line. But if we are angry all the time, it shows us that we do not have a healthy relationship with our own anger - so we may put up with things that make us uncomfortable without speaking out. In this way we are not looking after our primary relationship, which is with ourselves. When we neglect this relationship, it can impact on all our other relationships – particularly with the people we love the most.

Here´s an example... At work, you´re very busy when a colleague hands you some paperwork: “Can you do this now?” they ask. (This makes your core values feel uncomfortable).

 

• Response 1: “ERM, WELL OK THEN”
• Verdict: NOT in touch with self

You now feel grumpy or aggrieved. This lasts throughout the day at work and resentment builds up. Then, when you get home to see the people you love the most, some minor trivial indiscretion could make you explode as you cannot take any more. This is because when we are not in touch with ourselves we store up resentment, until eventually we flip from passive to aggressive behaviour. Not good use of anger!

 

• Response 2: "ACTUALLY I AM REALLY BUSY RIGHT NOW, BUT IF IT CAN WAIT UNTIL THE MORNING I WILL LOOK AT IT THEN".
• Verdict: IN touch with self

With this response, you are not being aggressive or passive, but being assertive. Perfect! By being in touch with yourself, you avoid the risk of storing up resentment and eventually exploding, instead speaking out at a much earlier stage with much better results.

 

Profile: Jonathan Hooker

• What exactly does he do?

You can use a number of terms to describe the work that Jonathan does - a life coach, guide, counsellor or psychotherapist. Whatever title you choose, his work is essentially about encouraging people to let go of misunderstandings they have about how life works, and to help them to make sense of their lives.

 

• Did you just say psychotherapist?

Yes we did! And no, that does not mean that you have to be psychotic to be able to see him! Nor does that mean that you´ll be laid out on a ´couch´ in a ´shrink´s´ office like some American movie. The general idea with psychotherapy is about being as authentically who we are as we can be – this is what Jonathan speaks to his clients about.

 

• Interesting stuff...

Aside from his work as a life coach in Barcelona, Jonathan is also an integral part of Orphan Aid Africa – an NGO which works to support orphans and vulnerable children in Ghana. Also Keep an eye out in the future for the release of Jonathan´s first book “Making sense of my life”.

 

If you can relate to some of the topics discussed in this article and would like to get in touch with Jonathan to discuss anything further, you can contact him on 935 907 654 or 639579646.

Or if you prefer to email you can find a link on Jonathan’s website – http://www.jonathanhooker.com/

 

All Porktie readers are entitled to a free 30 minute consultation – just say the phrase “I saw you in Porktie”